i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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