Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
