you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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