I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
