HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
