Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
