I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
