I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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