Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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