I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
