i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
