Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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