what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
