i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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