Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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