I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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