woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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