Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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