so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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