My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize