Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
