youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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