if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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