I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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