I looked at my own cervix.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
not ubering you a puppy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
