eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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