so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
