This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
