dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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