so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
