i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
