We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
