it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize