Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
