i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
