I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
