And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
