I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
