I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
