McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
