But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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