I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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