i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
