i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
