I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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