My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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