She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
