god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
