how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bring money and cleavage
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
