I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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