ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He shit in the fireplace
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