whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize