How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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