can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
