You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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