WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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