Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
