Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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