Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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