I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm too high and old for this...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize