3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
