Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
