Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
