I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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