Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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