i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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