so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
