If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
