Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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