Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
