So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
